Omg?

The BPsych prom auditions were held today for any aspiring performers, and I remember when I saw the announcement last week I was quite excited, but in the end I chickened out and decided not to audition. Then, a funny thing happened today, my friend Carmen saw me getting onto the bus and apparently recommended my name to the organizer or something.

She asked me to audition, but I hadn't prepared any song to sing...so for some reason I felt like going to watch the auditions for fun. Turns out I saw my neighbour Aaron there (what a coincidence!) and he asked me whether I was singing and I said no...and after a few bands took their turn the announcers asked if there were any more people auditioning. Lol I was so freaked out when Aaron pointed to me and yelled out my name and said something like "You won't regret it!"

In the end I literally had no choice but to audition since the emcee had already spotted me, and I sang a few verses of Love Story (yes I know, so overplayed and it's become very boring) because I was blank and unprepared. I left feeling lightheaded and happy despite the embarrassing audition...

I've been craving to perform again since Kaki Blue ended, but honestly after being exposed to the many talented people in KB, I've labeled my voice as "normal" and "nothing special" because there were a LOT of fantastic singers in KB. Not to mention fantastic dancers and actors too. If I were to rank myself out of 10 just based on KB, I'd say 3/10. Yeah. That bad.

I'm praying that I get chosen though, because I haven't had a solo performance since high school. Thanks a lot for encouraging me guys! Unexpected twist to my day :)

FF7: Crisis Core. (and how games in general are so much different from reality)

SO! Shi Ching was kind enough to lend me her Playstation Portable (PSP) for me to play FF7: Crisis Core. I've never played a Final Fantasy game before in my entire life...mainly because I've never had a Playstation or anything to begin with.

I LOVE THIS GAME. OMG. The continuous fighting is bloody annoying and I'm so sick of killing monsters and people and bosses and summons and GRAHH but honestly Square Enix is smart because they incorporate a good storyline into the Final Fantasy series, which makes it very addictive because the player wants to know more. Cutscenes are why I think anybody would play the game because they're so interesting to watch! Oh and Tifa's outfit is HIDEOUS in Crisis Core. She's about 15 here, why dress her like a slut? Shame on you, producers!

Note: Spoilers ahead, so if you haven't played the game, please click on the X button on the top right corner of this window.

Hem hem. Anyway, moving on. I've reached a point in the game where I have to battle Sephiroth as he goes mad and kills everybody in err...Niebelheimythingy and I died twice so I stopped. At this point I started googling the synopsis and stuff (yes I potong my own steam thank you very much, I'm just a beh tahan person when it comes to stuff like this) and I just feel like I don't want to continue playing anymore until my semester finishes...because I know how it ends ._. And Zack is such a likeable character.

ANYWAY. Gosh. I'm such a nerd. Basically I realized that in games like FF, you can stop anytime you want and let your game be in limbo for eternity if you wish. Life doesn't work like that...if only we could press the *DELETE* button for parts of our life we don't like, right? If only we could stop people from dying, stop wars from happening, reverse pollution, use hyper potions and phoenix dawns...Or *RESTART*, or *SAVE* to retain the precious memories and be able to relive them over and over again. Life just isn't like that. That's why it's life.

Time keeps ticking, the earth keeps rotating on its axis...every day is a treasure and you never know what awaits you the next day when you get up to greet the morning (or afternoon :P) sun. IF you wake up, that is. I know that's a scary thought but that's the way it is, every single day is a gift to us and it's high time I learnt how to enjoy each day as it comes, regardless of how frustrating assignments, group projects and exams can get, or personal relationships with friends and family.

Now, I can always leave the game in limbo, but in the end, I know the protagonist's fate and well, I just have to keep playing since I'm already halfway through. Same goes for my life. I can keep wishing for the semester to end, but if I keep rushing through each day...I'm going to miss out on a lot of things and besides, I'm already halfway through. I think I'll make it.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror!!

It's official, Michael Jackson is the best performer of all time! Of all time! *mocks Kanye West's famous interruption* lol. He's also one of the purest human beings I've ever seen in my entire life...I mean, he has so much love and compassion for every living thing, the forest, children and people in general. I just can't believe he's gone...when I was watching This Is It with Cheri earlier, I was dancing and singing in my seat. (And as usual Malaysian audiences...so unresponsive. No clapping no cheering no singing no dancing no nothing. Just stoning)

I will definitely make sure that I make performing a part of my life...the stage is my home! I can't imagine having to give it up...blah stupid degree. Never mind...knowledge is never wasted. I just hope I won't be too old to break into the music/theatre scene lah!

Our so-called "Halloween" gathering was so much fun, really rejuvenated me after a bloody long (and still ongoing) semester. Now back to work...SIGH. 7 more weeks...THEN SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal.

Halloween!

Harry Potter Halloween tomorrow night at the main campus :D Weee can't wait! I already made my own wand and decided on my makeup. I'mma be a Slytherin student DEATH EATERRRR :D

Bwaahahahahaha.

Stuck.

I have 1 and a half pages of my assignment left to write, and I cannot for the life of me write anything. The instructions are STUPID. The ASSIGNMENT is stupid. The SUBJECT is stupid. What else? PMG. -.-

God, all I want to do is stop studying right now and master my Mandarin and my piano and jump straight into Hollywood and make millions of dollars.

Or I could settle for a retreat. Or a few days at the beach...just me, a few good books and the sea.

It's been a while since I've craved the comfort of a relationship...but at times like this there's nothing better than a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist.

I wonder when that's ever going to happen again.

bloody midterms.

Seriously, all you school kids out there, please enjoy school.

I can't believe I did so badly in my midterms. Have to start studying for finals next week already if I don't want to fail this semester ._.

Relax, take it easy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NA-XvIcOg8

This beautiful song is doing wonders for my mood at the moment. I've broken down approximately 3 times since 2nd sem started because of stress. I honestly have never felt so inadequate, so incapable and so...small. I have no idea how my other 200+ classmates are coping, perhaps they're all doing perfectly fine and acing the course so far.

I have to stop being so hard on myself...I break down whenever I feel that my assignments are not good enough, not professional enough, not well-formatted enough, I don't know what's expected of me as a tertiary undergraduate...I feel so lost 99% of the time. Let's not even talk about exams...I freaking suck in studying.

I get really scared of the threats in the course outline and the constant reminders posted on MyAcel saying that we'll get marks cut off and potentially even get a zero if we don't follow instructions EXACTLY and do it perfectly...heck, even if I managed to get the APA formatting style PERFECTLY done, I still have to deal with the freaking Turn It In and plagiarism stuff...and even when all that is done, I have to ask myself, is my assignment good enough? Have I written a perfect paper? Then I start comparing myself to others.

I struggle so much with wanting to be perfect. I don't mean robot perfect but...BLAH. If I was good enough I would have gotten into Harvard. I didn't even bother applying coz only geniuses and prodigies go there. Please excuse me if I've made any wrong assumptions. I'm just really upset and scared right now.

I want to believe in myself. I really do.

9 weeks til freedom.

Midterms? Over. It was horribly difficult. I shan't elaborate for the sake of my mood.

PSY105 lab report? Done. Yay.

PMG individual assignment? Haven't started. Die.

Holidays? In 9 weeks...December 19th to be exact...hopefully my finals will end much earlier than that...

Hopefully I have the strength to last til then. So drained already.

Stressstressstresssstress

Is there a drug to cure my short attention span when it comes to studying? Seriously I don't know why I'm in a course that requires lots of studying. I can't concentrate for more than half an hour at a time, and I get distracted so easily (heh my textbook is right next to me now). How am I gonna get 1st class honours when I'm already having this kind of attitude in first year? How am I gonna get my partial scholarship for 2nd year?

UGH. There are more things in life than studies, obviously...and the world won't end if I just scrape a pass...my CGPA will suffer but that's about it. Ok I'm trying (pathetically) to convince myself.

Bloody midterms...bloody exams...bloody assignments screw everything sometimes I wish I could just throw it all away and go to Hollywood ._.

Hmm.

Thanks for replying and providing an explanation, and I hope you'll be responsible and take charge from now on because you ARE the group leader anyway.

I'm still pissed that you didn't even let us know you were going to be MIA...but never mind, as long as we get this thing done ASAP.

Again, I need to reiterate my stand: I HATE PMG T_T